07.19.08
Posted in Rural Tech, Rant, Rural at 2:15 pm by Randy
So we’ve been building a goat barn, right? Well, unfortunately (for me), it’s not done.
The story goes that this goat barn was supposed to be completed before the rains came in 2007. Then we ran out of funds, and the barn was (at best) a covered shelter that kept the rain off the herd (after a fashion). Then it got cold. Then the sheep were lambing; none of the lambs made it. Then the goats were kidding; none of the kids made it (no kidding).
And so it goes. Now it’s summer in 2008. The barn is still unfinished, we now have child #3 literally just about to show up (we’ve bookmarked the name Sebastian Maxwell — “Baby Max”), but at least the herd’s shrinking instead of growing.
The Boss has finally learned the hard lesson that raising livestock is not a simple, uncomplicated process. It’s hard, unforgiving and only occasionally rewarding (this coming from the guy that watches her and says, “it’s your herd, not mine!”)
Where was I? Oh yes.
The barn is the merest framework of a building. Ten uprights holding a corrugated metal roof, as well as subfloor on a split-level layout. The ramp leading into it is cobbled together. There’s a sheet of plywood on one side, masquerading as a wall. Mr. Handy was kind and tied on several huge tarps to attempt (and largely fail) to keep the weather out of the “barn” footprint.
Now, The Boss is a bit more realistic. With still no funds to really finish it the way it needs to be finished, I will ultimately put in some basic framing, then nail on some plywood siding. Windows will be roughed in, and hinged shutters will be used in the meantime to allow for ventilation (until we can actually get some windows to put in).
There’s supposedly room for a second floor that can be hung on the posts. I figure we’ll get that roughed in in the most basic way as well.
All in all, it’s a plan that doesn’t please anyone, but keeps the animals protected in the winter months to come.
Now all I have to do is make it happen.
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03.28.08
Posted in Broadband, Rural Tech at 4:42 pm by Randy
…we still don’t have “real” Internet up here.
However, we have gotten better with the fake Internet than I think we could’ve possibly imagined. It all began with replacing the P.O.S. (code for “ultimately inadequate”) Kyocera KR-1 router with (of all things) a Mac Mini running OS X 10.5 (”Leopard”). Our uptimes went from minutes between reboots to literally days and days between network disconnects. Add in that the Mini doesn’t need to be restarted pretty much ever, and it’s the best $600 I’ve ever spent.
It cleared up all the difficulties I had with VPN into work, it’s perceptibly faster than with the KR-1, and it damn near never disconnects, no matter how hard I pound the connection. Suddenly, YouTube was not a ridiculous notion. I even managed to download a rental movie from iTunes over the connection. I won’t say that I’m thrilled with the throughput. But hey, the fact that I can run BitTorrent fills my heart with peace, such that I feel no desire to run BitTorrent.
Sometimes, just being able to do something allows you to let go of the desire to do it. Other times, you probably go ahead and binge on downloading DVD sized ISO images.
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06.23.07
Posted in Broadband, Rural Tech, Geek, Rural at 8:52 pm by Randy
“Let me explain… No, there is too much, let me sum up.” - Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride
I try my best not to go all meta-blog around here, presenting my excuses for how I’m too busy or that I’m just too damn lazy to update this site. But I leave you with the following thought: A man’s gotta have his priorities. Moving on.
Much has transpired in the intervening months, albeit the goal is still tantalizingly out of reach. Dear reader, allow me to catch you up.
- We own a construction crawler, vintage 1985. Hey, it’s got a backhoe, what can I say?
- A trench was dug from the antenna site to the house.
- Part of that trench was dug along the straight section of the road to the vineyard, effectively destroying it.
- The Solar God smiled upon us and did grace us with a divine visitation to bury electrical cables and conduits along said road section.
- We still do not have the wires connected to the power panel in the garage, nor do we have the electrical boxes installed up at the antenna site.
- The fiber optic that will pump those lovely ones and zeros isn’t even ordered.
- We expect that we won’t be up and running until the end of July at the earliest.
Subchapter One: The Crawler Of DOOM
The crawler has an interesting story. Our next-door (meaning about a mile downhill from us) neighbor (a uniquely crusty old Brit, who made his fortune through logging in Northern California) moved to a Central American country last month. As part of his departure, Crusty was selling his old John Deere 450C loader crawler. A crawler, as opposed to a backhoe) uses tracks instead of tires, making it better suited for the ranch and its hilly terrain. Even though it was seriously old and long in the tooth, he wanted ten large. In an uncharacteristic turn, I haggled him down to eight. Of course, I’m still wondering who got the better deal.
Crusty spent a fair bit of time describing all that was wrong with the machine: hour meter broken, seats basically destroyed by the elements, lights not working, switches missing, hydraulic seals leaking like sieves, bushings completely gone on just about every pivot point, yada yada yada. So, as long as we used it in the daytime, didn’t lift hugely heavy items using the front loader, and we kept 20 gallons of hydraulic fluid on hand to keep the reservoir filled, the sucker would do work for us. Never mind that your ass would be sitting on bare metal and we literally have no idea how long that the crawler has actually been used over the years, those really are just subordinate issues. The crawler has a backhoe and it was shown to me that it could dig.
Of course, The Boss and I salivated mightily. We still recognized that we will need to have an agricultural tractor, so this crawler wouldn’t be able to do every little thing that we need around the ranch and vineyard. But the siren song of the backhoe could not be denied, even The Boss was taken in by it.
Subchapter Two: The Trench of DOOM (drink)
The trench presented several significant challenges. Originally, the Wunderkind was going to dig along the uphill side of the road to the vineyard, through all the twisty turns and across several culverts to go down, down to the house. But Mr. Handy (who, bless his heart, should be called Mr. Overtime, since he never knows when to frigging quit working) and I walked an alternate and slightly more direct route, which would avoid most (if not all) of the culverts, and stay off the road almost completely, so that we wouldn’t need to be concerned with vineyard traffic (which, at this time of year is basically about every ten days so they can spray sulphur on the vines). It also shaved about 100 feet off the distance that the Wunderkind originally estimated.
When the time came to dig the trench, Mr. Handy dropped everything and walked behind the big-ass trencher through hill and dale, suffering poison oak, bug bites, and sunburn to bring the trench down the hill, skipping across one of the seasonal gullies (because it was way too deep to dig under, and way too far to go around). We got to the final stretch before the meadow above the ranch house and realized that it was a rock garden. Correction, a boulder garden, and most of them were above ground, with no telling how much worse it would be underneath. No trencher known to man would cut through that, so we figured we would lay the conduit above ground and call it a day.
Of course, it wasn’t until the Solar God gazed upon our plan that He shone His holy wisdom down upon us: laying the pipes and conduit above ground would only work up until the first forest fire; the pipes and conduit would quickly melt and our glorious pipeline would be destroyed (and yes, I realize that if a forest fire blows through the ranch, we’ll be worried about more than whether our Internet connection is working, but stay with me on this). So, our hopes rested on the one thing we didn’t want to do: dig a trench down (part of) the road to the vineyard.
But there’s more, oh so much more. Stay tuned.
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12.18.06
Posted in Rural Tech, Rural at 10:11 am by Randy
This little gem is now mine! We were at Friedman’s in Sonoma on Sunday to pick up various and sundry items for the house. Sitting at the entrance was this Weber Genesis Silver C with a price tag of $499. Considering that this grill goes for $599 on Amazon (plus the inevitable massive shipping charge), I did a mental scha-wing!! and bought it outright. Of course, they claimed they had one in a box, but were unable to find it. However, the drive to own this was so great, we opted to take the floor model, already fully assembled (bonus: it saves assembly time!)
Trouble was, we had brought the SUV down, and had the kids with us. So, after all the errands were done, we headed back to the ranch, and I corralled the ranch pickup truck and drove it back down to fetch my glorious new grill.
And good thing too. As it turns out, this grill is LONG (nearly 5 feet long), and I would’ve been hard-pressed to fit this into the SUV without completely disassembling it. I broke down as much of the grill as I could without resorting to tools, and with some help from a passerby, lifted this into the bed of the pickup. A couple of straps later, and the grill was good to go.
After getting it home, our dear Solar God (hallowed be his name) had descended from the heavens for a visit regarding The Street of Broken Broadband Dreams (his divine visit I will expand upon in a future post), and with his preternatural help we levitated it from the pickup to it’s final home next to the house.
That Solar God, he’s a handy deity to keep around.
I quickly reassembled the grill in the diminishing daylight, and as the last glimmer of twilight waned I fired that bad boy up and grilled me some top sirloin. Yeeeehaw! Of course, I burnt the heck out of one side of the steaks, but the instant gratification of clicking a button to heat up a grill more than made up for the carcinogenic crust that had been scorched onto that one side.
Now, this doesn’t mean I’ve foresaken my old Weber kettle and it’s charcoal goodness. It’s just that this new propane grill has a rotisserie accessory (sold separately, but still!), and you just can’t deny utility like that when living this far from civilization.
God bless Weber grills.
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12.13.06
Posted in Rural Tech, Rural at 10:14 am by Randy
Oh man, I’ve arrived.
This last weekend, we purchased a 
Husqvarna 455 Rancher chainsaw. I tremble in its mighty aura, the unabashed masculinity associated with lording over the lesser creatures (like trees). Its gleaming teeth seem eager to wreak havoc over anything that is set against it. The Boss didn’t even flinch at the price, saying only, “if you cut a cord of wood, it’ll pay for itself.”
Sweet. Now all I need to do is learn how not to be killed while using it.
Take the fascinating owner’s manual, and it’s myriad warnings and cautions, chiefest of which is the notorious ‘kickback’, and area on the top front part of the chainsaw where, if you’re not careful, will grab a hold of what you’re trying to cut, launching the chainsaw back toward the person who wields it.
Never thought a tool could turn on its owner? Think again. When the owner’s manual has phrases like, “the chain might not stop before it touches you,” it’s sobering.
Happily, the manual also shows the correct way to operate the beast, so that any risks are minimized. 
For that, I’m certainly grateful. I also picked up a way-cool stormtrooper tree-killing helmet for use with the chainsaw. It comes with integral hearing protection, which are quite effective at even keeping The Boss’s aural transmissions out. I gotta say that I’m happy I live so very far away from the rest of civilization, so that I’m not observed wearing it.
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07.01.06
Posted in Rural Tech, Rural at 10:00 am by Randy
There comes a time in every man’s life where he must learn to operate heavy machinery, if only to say that he’s done it. The smell of diesel exhaust, the sound of the engine straining as it works the hydraulic pump, the smell of the earth yielding to steel as shovels dig, as loaders load, as augurs… um… augh…
Anyway, have you ever wondered (as I have come to wonder in recent days) exactly how to operate a backhoe? I know, it’s muy macho. Just the thought of wielding the ultimate union of man and machinery against earth and stone sends me reeling. So, what better way to find out more than using the Internets!
I find it interesting that there appears to be consistent layout for the backhoe controls. I suppose I was thinking that each manufacturer would want to “lock you in” to their products’ controls by “pulling a Microsoft”. That’s really just the computer geek in me talking.
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